“What does Black hole and Friendzone have in common? …They both suck!” – Anon
Are you having trouble getting friend-zoned by all those lovely ladies in your college or your workplace? Not to worry! I am here to lend an empathetic ear to you because I have nothing better to do on Saturday night. No fancy dinner date, no movie date. We are all lonely losers out here.
Forget AAP and their corruption propaganda! To hell with India’s sluggish economic downhill! The Nation needs answer! The nation wants to know(Arnab Goswami Style) “Why do these girls friend-zone us everytime? We are not evil. In fact, we are one of the nicest guys around. Then what do we lack?
Q.What is friend-zone and how would you know that the love of your life is “friend-zoning you?
For those of you who are not aware of the term “Friend-zone”, let’s have a quick background check.
Freindzone (Noun/Verb) : What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you’re attracted to. Usually initiated by the woman saying, “You’re such a good friend”. Usually associated with long days of suffering and watching your love’s interest hop from one bad relationship to another. Verb : “Friendzoned”.
Eg: “I spent all that money on a date, just to find out she put me in the Friend Zone.”
Professor Snape from the movie “Harry Potter is one such example who was in the friendzone since childhood till his death. Dhanush from the movie “Ranjhanaa” is another such example.
A renowned personality and TV anchor Karan Gohar says ” I wanted to be more than friends with a girl whom I really liked. She made me her bestfriend! I felt pathetic! I felt as if I was sucked in a disastrous Black-hole called Friend zone! Then I changed my preference and all is well now. ”
Studies claim that almost 77% of male friends are friendzoned, 22% are made their brothers and the remaining comprises the rest of the males from where the girl manages to choose the biggest jerk of all time. Drinking, smoking, flirting with her friends, ignoring her are some of the major qualifications that one commonly finds in such males. There is a very popular term for such species of males and is known as the “Badass” whom the girls adore. What will amaze you is that the “badass” guy is no George Clooney or Brad Pitt. Basically, he is just that average looking dude who doubles up as a douche bag.
The reason I brought up the word “Badass” is because there is a strong relationship between a friendzoned male and the badass male. See! One thing you have to clearly understand is, the closest you can get to the girl you love would be when her badass boyfriend cheats on her. She would be at her vulnerable best and she would turn to you for all the necessary comfort mainly emotional, physical (maximum hugging) etc. If you are lucky then she might even utter those 3 golden words you were dying to hear. At this juncture, it is very natural for you to be on Cloud 9, but a word of caution. Don’t be! The moment she says that she loves you, you make it a point to make her say it over and over again. Record it on your mobile if you do not care much about ethics.The first thing you should do the very next day is to go straight to her house and make her repeat what she said the previous night. Chances are she might have already patched up with her boyfriend. If so, then refrain from seeking a clarification as that is the exact moment you will be sucked back into the friendzone.
Some Friendzones cases:
- Friendzones can be seen in a lot of places. It is more prevalent in engineering colleges and IT firms. The most classic scenario of a Friend Zone is when you see a group of girls and boys in a canteen where the girl to boy ratio is 1:5 or 2:5, and one of the boy is getting the girl a plate of samosa ,the other one doing her assignment and another one giving her advice about her haircut. The common thing about all the guys in that group is their undying love for the girl and the never ending hope that she would become theirs one day.
- Another classic case of a friendzone is when your girl friend calls you up at night and talks to you for more than an hour, until she falls asleep. Hey! Do not get excited and start imagining things. There is a reason why there is a small gap between “Girl” and “friend”. Most probably the girl’s boyfriend must be in a pub drinking out with his friends and she is bored.
- Lately there is one more case of Friend zone that I am sure most of you have noticed. The victim here is the guy who has a SLR camera. You see, girls love to click good pictures which can fetch them “likes” on Facebook and also a comment by one of her crush. So next time when you buy the expensive Canon/Nikon SLR, be very careful! I have seen many close friends sucked into the black hole that way.
Q. How to come out of the Friendzone?
You must be wandering why don’t the girls like you? You are talented, charming and a good listener. Then where do you lack? The problem is not in you. You see, the qualities you have are good to put in a resume. You can portray these qualities in front of an interview panel and that may get you the coveted B school seat or a job. According to a college friend(girl) “We are a different breed you know! We love spontaneity. We know that today if some guy stops buying me samosa, there will be 10 other guys out there for me” Gone are those days when you carry a box of chocolates or a bunch of roses and kneel down on one knee and propose her. It was romantic back then when Thomas Edison was working on the bulb. Be different. Be brave! Don’t be that nice guy always. As the saying goes “Nice guys finish lasts”, it holds true at least in the dating world. Be the douche bag they adore and see miracles happening in your love life!
If your conscience does not allow you to be a jerk then there is another way you can try. Continue being the nice guy, maintain good grades in college, do an MBA and get a job with a fat package and wait. Girls are intelligent and have the power to understand the finer nuances of life. They know exactly what they want and most importantly when they want! After dating her douche bag boyfriends during her college days, she will get tired of being cheated on. She will ultimately give up on them and would settle down for a less interesting guy like you and I. The best thing about guys like us is we were always the favourite of the girl’s parents during our friendzoned days. Make sure she and especially her parents know how well you are doing in life. Uploading your photos in a car or at some foreign locations would serve the purpose.
Slowly, you will see your dream relationship unfurl in front of your own eyes.
P.S: It is all in good humor. No offense meant to anyone. And guys! Share and care! 🙂